Only in Dreams

I was a hopeless romantic when I was a teenager. Or maybe I wasn't. Maybe it was actually my wanting someone to be hopelessly romantic toward me. That might be a more accurate statement. Weezer's blue album was a staple in my CD rotation during those hours and hours spent in my room being angsty, emotional and dreaming about whatever guy I had a crush on at the time. If it had been possible, I would have burned a hole through the CD with how often I put this song on repeat.

Whoever this girl was that Rivers was dreaming about, I wanted to be her to someone. I suppose it's possible that I was, but in my mind, I wanted to be that girl to whatever boy was on my mind. Otherwise, what was the point? Duh, I wanted that magic movie moment where I'd be at a party and this song plays, drowning out all other sound, as my dream dude rushes up and spills his heart out to me.

We warmed down to this song at Spin the other night. I hadn't heard it in quite a while, but I did discover that it still makes my guts swirl. At this point, it doesn't remind me of anyone in particular, (likely due to the fact that I listened to it all through junior high and high school, which means there were probably a thousand boys that I had wished this song was being sung to me by) but I still very much feel this song when I hear it.

I never had my big movie moment, but I don't need it. It felt like it took so long for me to finally meet someone special, but in the big picture, I met Jamie when we were so young! We were nineteen! I'm very lucky to have met someone that I've been able to grow and mature with without any major disasters. We've had our blow outs, but we've never broken up or even mentioned it. So while big, sweeping romantic gestures are what girls dream about, it's the day to day stuff and the gradual growth and development that is most important to me now. No, I never swooned over the thought of one day having a stable, healthy, long-term, loving relationship, but that's what I have and it's better than any movie moment I've ever dreamed up.