Jamie and I considered taking this cycle off for a break, but in the end, agreed to try once more. If it doesn't happen this cycle, we'll probably take a break next cycle. This whole thing is really mentally exhausting. It's really hard to find a healthy balance of being hopeful but realistic, and I don't really think there's a ladder tall enough to climb up and sit on that fence. When I try to stay positive, I get my hopes up which are later crushed by menstruation; when I try to be realistic, I depress myself, which is only amplified by a new cycle.
Unexplained infertility is really taxing. Why can't I get pregnant? Why won't my body work? What is wrong with me? What is it going to take? Jamie keeps reassuring me that we have time and others have said the same. "You're young!" Yes. Yes I am. And if it's this difficult for me to get pregnant in my twenties, it sure as hell is not going to be easier in my thirties. I'm pretty sure it's all downhill from here if we wait. Jamie calls this pessimistic; I call it realistic.
It's really difficult to keep myself from slipping into feeling like it's never going to happen; that I will never carry a baby inside of me. It's a depressing thought that feels like truth at times, so it's important to keep trying to find that balance. It's also really important to me to keep doing all we can to get pregnant, but I can't help but feel like it's really overwhelming Jamie, so we really have to make it more of a point to sit down and get on the same page, and if that means taking a break, then we'll take a break.
For right now, all I can do is try to wipe a clean mental slate and start again.