10 Questions

This is a bit impromptu, but I came across a post by Erin at Living in Yellow in which she asks herself some hard-hitters and thought I'd do the same.

1. If you could do one thing differently in your life, what would it be?
I've seen this question a lot and it's always been difficult for me to answer. I struggle with this question because I look too deeply and have trouble not considering the long term effects of changing anything in my past. Say, if I hadn't [fill in the blank], then I likely wouldn't be where I am today. If I consider wishing that I had gone off to college after high school, then ultimately I must consider that had I, I wouldn't have met and married Jamie. Anything that I've done or not done has brought me to where I am right now, and I wouldn't want to change that.

2. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
I can't say for sure, but I know that I desperately hope that wherever I am, I have my husband and, at long last, a child.

3. Do you honestly want kids?
This question is only here because it's relevant to Erin's life at the moment. I couldn't think of a better question for my circumstances, so I'll just answer it: YES. (Duh. You already knew that.) I want a family so bad it hurts; my chest tightens at the thought. I'm seemingly surrounded by family and friends getting pregnant with ease and popping babies out left and right. It's been very difficult the past six months or so to manage the effect my infertility has had on me, but I'm working through it.

4. What has been the best moment of your life so far?
Honestly, it was probably my birthday in 2011. Hannah was in town visiting from Ohio and she and Jamie planned a surprise birthday party for me. I had never had one before and it was fantastic. Seeing all of the people that showed up to string streamers and blow up balloons and wait in the dark for us to come home from dinner just absolutely made my day. It was the first time since moving to California in 2011 that I felt like I had a real, solid group of good friends and that made me superbly happy.

Apparently, this is the only photo I have from that visit.

5. What is your life theme song?
I take my relationships very seriously. Anyone that I keep myself involved with is someone special to me and I am happy to drop one-sided friendships (as disappointing as that can be.) The song that I chose for this question is one that I've always attached to my closest friends from high school, but these days I connect it with anyone important to me. We played it at our wedding and had a sappy moment with my friends, and after my dad died, it was a song that could instantly turn on the water works.



6. What is one thing you have yet to accomplish that you want to do before you die?
Please see #3.

7. If you could choose one thing to be known for, what would it be?
Yikes. I really don't have an answer for that. I don't even know what I'm known for now that I didn't choose.

8. If you could do anything you wanted right in this very moment (no consequences, no fear, etc), what would it be?
If we're saying that in this moment, all of the conditions could be perfect and money wasn't a factor, then I'd start IVF. Right now. I know that these types of questions are usually answered with some crazy, mind-blowing, exotic answer, but none of that interests me more right now than becoming a mother.

9. What has been the most challenging moment in your life?
If I can stretch "moment" into a series of days, then most definitely the days my dad was in Hospice. One might have answered the actual death, but to put it frankly, there's not much that could be worse than spending time waiting for a loved one to die. No, the death was a relief compared to watching my father decline in the days leading up. I'm fortunate to have had a such solid support system during that time to help me through.

10. Summarize yourself in one word.
Tangled.



Well, that was kind of heavy.