I've always been really good at overwhelming myself. It's a daily struggle that allows me to accomplish just about nothing. I've recently been able to manage this at work to the point where my to-do list doesn't create panic anymore, but I still can't figure it out at home.
I work part time, of my own accord, so I can feel like I contribute rather than leach. Working makes me feel like a grown-up and I've found a job that after a year, still feels like it's worth having. It's the center of my day, and that's where I'm having a problem.
My day begins as a countdown to when I have to go to work. I have a good two hours before I have to start getting ready for work to get things done, but I just can't seem to get any of it started. I have a mental list of all the things that really need done, but that's where the issue lies. I see all of these things and it overwhelms me. I'll never get all of this done! And since I can't find a place to start, I don't do any of it. My common sense tells me to just do something. Anything is better than nothing, but the anythings just seem so big. The floors need scrubbed, the baseboards look like someone played hockey in most of the rooms, and how are we dripping so much stuff down the kitchen cabinet doors?! These, on top of the day-to-day dishes, picking up, sweeping and wiping, are what really overwhelm me. So I put them off until after work. Did I mention I get home early, too?
I get home a little after four, sometimes earlier. This leaves about six hours before we crash out to also get things done, but no. So the things I've put off in the morning are weighing even harder on me, which basically just holds me down. The evenings turn into figuring out dinner and sinking into the couch for quality time with the DVR.
So how do normal people with full-time jobs keep a clean house? What's missing in my brain that I can't function like a normal person and just do what needs done? If my house is this disastrous now, it's going to be post-apocalyptic once we have kids.
Oh, and guess what else I have to throw on top of this. Exercise. I have to squeeze that into the list, too. We have an elliptical, and it's really great, but don't you know it, I have to use it for it to be effective! My waistline has been ever-expanding the past year and it's gotten to the point where the fat pants I bought a couple months ago are too tight. It's depressive and frustrating. Jamie and I are making an effort to eat healthier. It's been good for dinners, but I struggle with breakfast and lunch. That's another thing to add to my list of things to do, buy healthy things to make breakfast and lunch before work which I'll have to squeeze in somewhere between cleaning the house, working out and showering for work.
There really isn't an answer to this that I'm looking for. I know what I have to do, but I just don't know how to make it happen and have it stick. I just hope to get something done to not make the day a complete loss.
Just do something!