May 24, 2012

All of the Waiting

The worst part about trying to conceive is the disappointment of either getting a negative pregnancy test, or worse, your period. The second worst part about trying to conceive is the Two Week Wait (between ovulating and testing). Trying to conceive is a constant cycle of waiting. Waiting for your period to be over. Waiting for ovulation. Waiting for that Big Fat Positive!

In the beginning it's exciting. I can't wait to find out if I'm pregnant! You wait. You test early even though you know that biology is against you; even if you are pregnant, you're going to get a negative. It doesn't matter, though. You unwrap that pregnancy test like rainbows and unicorns are going to fly out of it and then you pee on it. You've never wanted to pee on something so glorious so badly! Then you wait and twiddle your thumbs.

It's time! You look at your test-- nothing. You squint your eyes and hold it up to the light. You tilt it at different angles because, hey, that line could just be really faint. You take it apart because that clear plastic is obstructing your view. You're desperate for that line to show up and it's clouding your judgement. Once you concede to the negative test, you console yourself with Well, it is early, anyway. I'll test again in a few days.

Then you menstruate.

There was nothing more crushing than getting my period. Even if I had my usual PMS symptoms, my thought was that if I wasn't bleeding then I could very well be pregnant. As time went on, we focused less and less on trying to get pregnant and my periods became much less disappointing. There were still some cycles where I felt like our timing may have been good, but overall, we were taking it easy.

We've definitely spent our time enjoying and taking advantage of being kid-less. We go out for dinner and drinks often. We take overnight or weekend trips. We drink with our friends til 2am. We are doing things that we know we won't be doing once we get our family started.

It's strange to think that had we been successful when we first started trying, we'd have a 2 year old by now. That just blows my mind! I can't even imagine how different our lives would have been had that happened. I've mentioned before how grateful I am for the solid circle of friends we've managed to get to like us over the past couple years. Had we gotten pregnant right away, we might not have been able to grow those relationships and create the support system that Future Baby will undoubtedly have. I feel so much more comfortable and ready to start our family, now.

Of course, with readiness comes, once again, waiting. Feeling positive that I ovulated yesterday, I've made my not-so-triumphant return to the Two Week Wait. Let's see how well I can stay level-headed!

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