"It's a Series of Tubes"

I love my husband.

[Lady-parts talk is expected in this post. Reader discretion is advised.]

I woke up yesterday a complete nervous wreck and it only worsened as I thought more about my HSG. Of course I did the wrong thing and Googled other peoples' experiences. What I found out is that HSG stories are like product reviews in that people really only feel motivated to write about them when they've had a bad experience. 

Oh my God they're going to put a clamp... on my CERVIX?

It wasn't looking good. I knew I was allowed to take some pain relief before going in, so I then Googled what kind I was allowed to take. More specifically, if I was allowed to take some of my leftover wisdom teeth Vicodin. Luckily, I read that some women had be prescribed some heavier pain killers so I felt okay with my decision to pop half a pill an hour before. (I had to drive myself. Didn't wanna over do it.)

This ended up being a wise decision. As you see in my text screen shot above, my half a Vicodin was just enough to keep me from getting my usual full-on run-to-the-bathroom nervous stomach. It also helped me when I sat on the x-ray table in an open back gown while I waited for the doctor and was being told by the x-ray tech what the procedure would be like.

The doctor finally came in and was so... nothing. He wasn't personable or warm or comforting, but he ended up being very quick and efficient. He looked like a mix between Alexander Mahone on Prison Break and Robert California on The Office. For real. Anyway, he put in the speculum and cranked it a few times. (Did he use a ratchet?) He "prepared the cervix", which I don't remember what this entailed but I'm pretty certain he didn't use the scary clamp that I read about. Then... uh oh, time for the catheter. I was so not stoked on this part.

I'm serious.

The catheter was put in and while it was certainly uncomfortable and unpleasant, it wasn't hugely painful. I was more put off by knowing what was causing the cramp-like feeling I was having after it was in place and had pumped the liquid into my uterus and fallopian tubes. Once I kind of recognized that it felt mostly like menstrual cramps, I was okay. (Thanks again, Vicodin!)

I think they took 5 x-rays, then he left to look at them and decide what's up. During this time, I had to deal with the clean-up and getting dressed. All of that liquid they pumped into my uterus had to go somewhere, and let's just say that it doesn't all spill out of your fallopes. I knew it was going to be an adventure when the tech laid a sheet on the floor and handed me a towel.

After I cleaned up and redressed, I was taken to the doc's office so he could show me the x-rays. They told me to have a seat and he'd be there in a moment. He walked in pretty much as they told me that, threw the films up on the light, said "There's the left one, there's the right one. They're open and they look good." and that was it. I sat down for that?

A day later, I am still having mild cramping and a little spotting, both of which are normal. I shared this with Jamie yesterday.

"As long as it's not a heavy flow, you're good. Are you wearing a pad? I read up on all of this."

I love my husband.