May 21, 2012

No Big News

I have no big news to report, which is good, I guess.

No big news means Chuck has gone 6 days without the crazies coming out. I think he just needed new glasses.

Just kidding, obviously, but my new glasses totally look better on him.

We've stuck with crating Chuck while we're gone and so far it's gone really well. He seems comfortable and while he expresses that he's eager to get out when we walk over to un-latch the door, he's not clawing and being impatient. In most cases, he says hi then ends up deciding to go back in his bed if we're not doing anything particularly interesting to him. So hooray! Things are good with Chuck. (He goes tomorrow to get the sutures taken out of his knee.)
(P.S. Click here to see the best collection of Instagram images ever.)
More no big news is that we have nothing medical planned on the fertility front. Since Jamie's tests were good and my HSG proved all clear, we're just going to take some time to Baby Dance and see how that works out for us now. The HSG can clear up any minor blockages and can also leave those tubes a li'l more open for the first few months after the test, so I think we're just going to try our best to take advantage of that.

The problem with knowing that my chances of getting pregnant are higher, even just ever so slightly, is that my hopes are UP. My brain is saying Come on, after how many months of disappointment, why should that change now? Be real and don't expect much But my uterus is telling me This is our month, man! Then my brain is like Dude, you're going to cry when you start bleeding from your uterus. Your uterus is an asshole. In the figurative sense. In the literal sense, we'd be referring to your cloaca. You don't have a cloaca.

So it's getting tricky again. I'm feeling the excitement I had back when we first started trying, but I'm not going to go back to charting. Keeping track of my body temperature, peeing on ovulation predictors and saying "We have to do it now!" became really stressful and not fun. I think I've spent enough time paying attention to my body to understand the general time frame that ovulation takes place and just keep working that angle. I just don't want to let myself get too hopeful, yet I can't let myself get too cynical either.

I find myself stomping up the stairs, with crossed arms yelling "It's not FAIR!" before slamming the door. Well, mentally, that is. I know that some ladies reading this can relate to feeling really sad when someone's all "Oops! We're having a baby!" If you're an Oops We're Having a Baby, I don't hate you. I don't wish ill will upon you. I'm just so envious, no- I'll admit it, jealous of your ability to get pregnant without trying when we've been trying for so long to no avail. It's like I'm the starving kid in Africa your mom told you about to get you to finish your dinner, except that I'm not in Africa. I'm sitting at your dinner table, watching you eat, wondering Why can't I have that, too?

So, we'll keep trying. Starting this blog has helped me feel better about continuing on with our mission and I believe that comes from the support I've had from those who read it and I am so grateful for the response I've had to it. I am really looking forward to the day that I can share Big News instead of No Big News.

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