How Do I Do It?

I've always been really good at overwhelming myself. It's a daily struggle that allows me to accomplish just about nothing. I've recently been able to manage this at work to the point where my to-do list doesn't create panic anymore, but I still can't figure it out at home.

I work part time, of my own accord, so I can feel like I contribute rather than leach. Working makes me feel like a grown-up and I've found a job that after a year, still feels like it's worth having. It's the center of my day, and that's where I'm having a problem.

My day begins as a countdown to when I have to go to work. I have a good two hours before I have to start getting ready for work to get things done, but I just can't seem to get any of it started. I have a mental list of all the things that really need done, but that's where the issue lies. I see all of these things and it overwhelms me. I'll never get all of this done! And since I can't find a place to start, I don't do any of it. My common sense tells me to just do something. Anything is better than nothing, but the anythings just seem so big. The floors need scrubbed, the baseboards look like someone played hockey in most of the rooms, and how are we dripping so much stuff down the kitchen cabinet doors?! These, on top of the day-to-day dishes, picking up, sweeping and wiping, are what really overwhelm me. So I put them off until after work. Did I mention I get home early, too?

I get home a little after four, sometimes earlier. This leaves about six hours before we crash out to also get things done, but no. So the things I've put off in the morning are weighing even harder on me, which basically just holds me down. The evenings turn into figuring out dinner and sinking into the couch for quality time with the DVR. 

So how do normal people with full-time jobs keep a clean house? What's missing in my brain that I can't function like a normal person and just do what needs done? If my house is this disastrous now, it's going to be post-apocalyptic once we have kids.

Oh, and guess what else I have to throw on top of this. Exercise. I have to squeeze that into the list, too. We have an elliptical, and it's really great, but don't you know it, I have to use it for it to be effective! My waistline has been ever-expanding the past year and it's gotten to the point where the fat pants I bought a couple months ago are too tight. It's depressive and frustrating. Jamie and I are making an effort to eat healthier. It's been good for dinners, but I struggle with breakfast and lunch. That's another thing to add to my list of things to do, buy healthy things to make breakfast and lunch before work which I'll have to squeeze in somewhere between cleaning the house, working out and showering for work.

There really isn't an answer to this that I'm looking for. I know what I have to do, but I just don't know how to make it happen and have it stick. I just hope to get something done to not make the day a complete loss.

Just do something!

Currently I Am, Lately I've Been

It's safe to say I've been lacking the inspiration to really write here, let alone put together some daily posts. At first, I blamed it on being busy with planning our Ping Pong in a Winter Wonderland party, but now that that is over, it's clear that I've just got a major case of blogger's block.

To help me push through, I've been searching for things to write about (to no avail) until I remembered that I used to do "currently" posts! I looked back to find the last one I posted and it was way back in the beginning of August... so, today you get a new "currently" and hopefully I get a new lease on life blogging.

Listening: Since getting our new Jeep, I've been taking advantage of the free year of satellite radio. Particularly the seasonal holiday channels. And when I'm not in the Jeep listening to Christmas music, I'm probably in the house listening to Christmas music on Pandora. Tis the season, yo. My favorites are anything Vince Guaraldi from A Charlie Brown Christmas, Baby It's Cold Outside by anyone except Norah Jones and Willie Nelson, and my most favorite ever, The Drifter's arrangement of White Christmas, which you probably know from Home Alone. Duh.



Watching: Well, I should be watching Christmas movies, but we haven't made a point of it yet. Home Alone is up there on the list for me, so I'm looking forward to watching that hopefully soon. Lately we've just been all up ons our DVR. So much so that we catch up too quickly and have to flip channels for the rest of the night. That's not always bad, though. The other night we landed on Ferris Bueller's Day Off (during which I annoyed Jamie with my line-reciting) and last night we caught the first half of Back to the Future (during which, I also annoyed Jamie with my line-reciting).

Eating: Poorly. Well, I've been eating well if by "well" you mean "really delicious", but poorly if "well" means "healthy". To try and counter this, I've upped my cardio to 5 or 6 times a week, and so far that's working to ward off the holiday 5 that I usually gain.

Thinking: I'm wondering how I'm ever going to learn to budget my time appropriately. I'm a procrastinator in the worst way and it makes for things only getting half finished around the house here. I think I need to start making a list at bedtime of what I need to accomplish the next day, then scratch'em off as I go. I know for a fact that I do better with breaking big things down into smaller bits, so if I can complete just one load of laundry a day until all of the loads are finished, it will be much less overwhelming than trying to do all of the laundry in one day. I need to apply that to probably everything around here, then maybe I'll actually get something done in a timely manner.

Loving: So far, I'm loving the kinda gloomy, rainy-ish weather that we've been intermittently experiencing lately here in SoCal. I'm happy to finally be wearing sweaters, jackets, scarves and boots without feeling silly because it's nearly 80 degrees. I just wish I had more sweaters and jackets and scarves and boots so that I didn't feel like I'm wearing the same outfit everyday.

Anticipating: Ohio! Kind of. Last month, we learned that my mom has breast cancer. Originally, she was to have a lumpectomy, but after some reconsideration, her doctor as recommended a mastectomy. Being that my dad isn't around anymore, my mom's on her own with no one to take care of her, so Jamie and I agreed that I'll be flying out for her surgery and post-op care. So, I'm anticipating spending time with my family and taking care of my mom and her new boobies (which she's looking forward to having!)

Thankful For: I am really grateful that Jamie and I are in a position that I can take time and fly to Ohio somewhat on a whim when I need to. It was really helpful during the 6 years my dad battled his cancer, and it's really helpful now. I definitely didn't want my mom to have to be alone during her healing and not really have any help.

I nabbed this "Currently" idea from Sometimes Sweet.

Getting Sh't Done

Recently I mentioned that I needed to figure out a way to stay on top of maintaining our home. I considered making a list before bedtime of all the things that I need or want to accomplish the next day. Finally, Sunday night, I made my first list and emailed it to myself. On Monday, as I finished things on my list, I sent an email back to myself with only the remaining items. Being that I am doing this digitally, I've found it helpful and motivating to be able to see my list shrink.

This worked so well for me that I did it again for Tuesday and also for today. I'm finally getting stuff done around here and am feeling a little more balance to my day instead of my usual day spent feeling overwhelmed by everything that needs done which then prevents me from starting anything.

Monday and Tuesday's lists.
(Click it if you actually want to read it.)
 (Yes, I include my meals on my list because they tend to be my "screw around on the internet" times.)

So far, this is working really well. Breaking big projects like cleaning and reorganizing the closet and cleaning up our bedroom to make for a more peaceful space into smaller projects that I can complete over the span of however many days makes the project more manageable. Here's to hoping I can make this a habit.

How do you manage your home? Are you a list-maker? Do you get overwhelmed and fall behind like me? Or do you have the enviable natural ability to just do it when whatever it is needs done?

So What!

And we're back! Happy 2013 errbody. I'm linking up with Shannon for 2013's inaugural So What! So what!

if Jamie got me an iPad for Christmas and it goes everywhere I go in the house. I might need it! I keep my To Do list on it now so it's handy. (Okay, it doesn't always go with me, but a lot of the time it does.)

So what!

if I have to put givens on my To Do list. Working from home means that I often put off showering. Gross, I know. Yes, I've been home from Spin class for more than 90 minutes. No, I haven't showered yet. Yes, I really need to.

So what!

if the Marsala sauce on my Chicken Marsala was too thick. It was fk'n tasty and a big win that I needed in the cooking department. (Also, so what if my asparagus was floppy. Turns out, our oven wouldn't heat up so I had to cook 'em in a pan instead of roast them like I usually do. They were okay.)

So what!

if I ran out of coffee yesterday. I have all of this fantastic Teavana tea that my mom gave me for Christmas!

So what!

if I ate and drank crap all weekend. (Or more like all of November and December.) (Onion rings from Neighborhood in San Diego! Their logo makes me lol for realz.)

It was all worth it. (Pizza from Basic in San Diego.)

So what!

if it was 40 degrees in San Diego on NYE and I wore nothing warm. And so what if I don't ever recap NYE for yous guys. It involved hitting up our usual spots and lots of food and drinks. See above. 

And SO WHAT!

if Down by 311 came on the radio on the drive home from San Diego on New Year's Day and I sang every. single. word. (I worked hard studying those lyrics back in junior high.)

So what!

(and) I Feel Fine

The next item on my To Do list today simply says "blog". I had no idea what I wanted to write about and had nothing prepared, so I decided to sift through Facebook. I came across a couple status updates reminding me of tomorrow's impending doom, but nothing rang a bell for me until I saw this:

"If the end of the world really were tomorrow, and we knew it, how would you spend these last few hours?"

Thank you, Writing Gods and MDB for being Their prophet today! 

Of the 23 responses when I happened upon it, they were split fairly evenly between realistic and fantastical. The realistic responses were mostly of the "spend it with my family and be grateful." The fantastic involved indulgence and a lot of sex.

Realistically, if we really were aware of the End Times so far in advance, travel to be with far-away family would likely be close to impossible due to the fact that most people would probably stop going to work at some point, meaning no flights, trains or buses. The best we'd have is to travel by car, but gas would be hoarded and hard to come by. I imagine gas station takeovers and bartering supplies and food for fuel. Civilization would become post-apocalyptic before the Apocalypse even had a chance to get started, in which case I'd immediately regret not ever watching Doomsday Preppers and hopping on that bandwagon that would now seem much less silly.

My ideal final days without any consideration for probability and possibility would involve everyone I care about in one place, preferably at my mom's house in Ohio. I'd have all of my family and each of my friends at an arm's reach (figuratively; I'm pretty claustrophobic). We'd build a bonfire to circle around, bundled up with hats and scarves, blankets and pillows, sharing stories and reminiscing. There would be a potluck feast of our favorite foods and we'd drink to our liver's discontent. If there's no tomorrow, then there's no hangover.* (Not to mention our imminent death would be much less painful.)

The end of the Mayan calendar has been this decade's Y2K. The thought that the world is going to end tomorrow is silly, really, but what it has offered me was a chance to really decide what I find to be most important in my life: the love of my family and closest friends, and the time I get to spend with each and every one of them.


How would you spend your final hours?


*This was inspired by my brother-in-law, Mike's quote from a couple years ago: "I'm not thinking about tomorrow when I'm drinking today."

A Very Haiku Labor Day Weekend in Milwaukee

I don't know how it came to me, but as I gazed from my middle seat up at Bruce Buffer while he waited in line for the airplane bathroom I was inspired. Do you know who Bruce Buffer is? I'm sure you know who his brother is, even if you don't recognize the name Michael Buffer. He's a ring announcer for boxing and his world famous line kinda rhymes with shmets shmet shmeddy shmoo shmumble. Brother Bruce, a ring announcer for UFC, boasts the less catchy "It's time!" but pairs it with a dramatic gesture to change the focus from one fighter to the next.

Jamie pointed out that Buffer, who dressed casually in a slightly douchily-decorated graphic tee for his flight to Milwaukee, reigned supreme in his exit row aisle seat. (We flew Southwest, so getting said seat is even more impressive.) My brain churned as my fingers counted syllables...

Aisle seat, exit row

You can't get any better

Than that, Bruce Buffer

Wheels down-- Bruce Buffer

Milwaukee, we are in you

"It's tiiiime!" to find beer

And so it was said,

Labor Day weekend

Haiku statuses only

Challenge accepted

I followed these three haikus with sixteen social media posts throughout the weekend, all only 5-7-5, but my haiku challenge was an annoying-to-everyone-else supplement to our Milwaukee weekend.

This trip was made possibly by our friends John and Lisl who wanted some travel buddies and also happened to have a couple Southwest vouchers and a free place to stay. We had no reason to refuse, so we didn't. The trip to Milkwaukee where they're both from was rooted in the fact that Harley Fest was going on all weekend. None of us ride motorcycles, but hey, why not?

Green hose in the dirt
With beer and Armorall plus
Free margaritas

Lisl, our eager guide, never ran short of fun-fact bits of Milwaukee history and anecdotes from when she and John were dating. With holy-crap-that-had-to-have-been-rehearsed timing, we turned a corner at the perfect point in her story for her to gesture toward the house where they lived that one time someone knocked on their door to tell them their upstairs was on fire. We bar-hopped and listened to stories about each one as we went along, even frequenting one special place throughout the weekend and twice on Saturday. 

Jamie bought the beer

At John and Lisl's Mecca

Many more to come

Since we've known John and Lisl, Wolski's Tavern has probably been mentioned on nearly every occasion spent with them and with unquestionable fondness. Reminiscent of many bars I've visited before near my own Midwestern hometown in Ohio, Wolski's is a typical dive. It's decorated in dusty flags and old framed photos; it's dark and a little musty. More importantly, it's where John and Lisl fell in love and they wanted to share that place with us.

Jamie didn't get the "act natural" memo.

Being with locals meant knowing where to go. We skipped the actual Harley Davidson Festival in favor of the nightly block party both Friday and Saturday nights. Lined with bikes and bars, Brady Street was closed to automobile traffic. We went bar to bar, weaving through the crowd stopping every once in a while to watch some of the bikes drive by. It was loud from music blasting from various points of interest and the constant rumble of Harleys.

Friday night involved joining in on a dance party in the street, eating Jimmy John's well past midnight (with the possibility of my having stolen two sandwiches), and meeting a man with a lizard whom jokingly requested to be paid a dollar for me to take a photo. John paid him five.

Adopted a child
It's scaly and not human
My life is complete

Bikers and hipsters

A little bit louder now

Block party dancing

On Saturday we took a tour of Lakefront Brewery which involved drinking beer, listening to our hilariously loud and inappropriate tour guide, drinking more beer, singing the Laverne & Shirley theme song, then drinking more beer, and then going outside to drink more beer.

(Not my video, not our tour guide, but you get it.)

After the tour, we went to a barbecue (well, after a quick trip to Wolski's) where I tapped into my Midwestern roots with a game of Cornhole, checked another item off my Milwaukee Bucket List by eating brats (unfortunately my TCM diet prevented me from enjoying the cheese curds), and met a few of John and Lisl's friends.

Saturday night meant it was time for Lisl and I to make sure we fit in better with some cool outfits. She in her Three Wolf Moon shirt that I tore the sleeves off of in the street using a pair of nail clippers (please read the reviews if you happen to somehow not be aware of this "intrinsically sweet" item of clothing) and I in my screeching eagles with mini skirt and boots, we were able to thoroughly enjoy our evening.

Fuzzy late nights and
So-awful-that-they're-great shirts
Klassy skirt with boots

We made yet another post-midnight stop at Jimmy John's (we paid for all of the sandwiches this time) then headed, once again, to Wolski's with the intention of earning our first I Closed Wolski's sticker by staying until last call. Bernie, one of the owners, however, had a different plan and we found ourselves stumbling a few houses down to "party" at his place. This "party" was basically a tour of his nicer-than-expected home, a couple drinks, fresh tomatoes, and Bernie nearly cutting off Lisl's thumb with a sword (we're only kind of exaggerating). We didn't get a chance to earn our sticker, but I'm told this is a one-up.

I have to admit that Sunday morning was more than rough for me. The 3am bedtime, the day 2 hangover, and the mental and physical shittiness I was feeling from the arrival of yet another period made it a little difficult to get my day started. It took a couple drinks and a lot of mental focus, but after chicken and waffles at Hollander Cafe and a bit of a nap followed by, what else, a trip to Wolski's, I was good to go.

We had dinner with previously mentioned friends at Pizza Man, which was delicious, even though I had to eat salmon rather than the oh-my-God-it-has-cream-cheese-on-it pizzas that everyone else ordered. Then we capped off our final night in Milwaukee with Kopp's Frozen Custard (I got a root beer. Whomp whomp.) and hanging out around a fire, chatting, laughing, and listening to the cicadas.

And because why not, I'll cap this off with a photodump.

We loved Milwaukee.

What You Should Know About Our Infertility

Apparently it's National Infertility Awareness Week. I've been mostly disconnected from the blog-world over the past few weeks, so it was news to me when I came upon a number of links and blog posts about the topic on Twitter. Honestly, at first, I rolled my eyes. Every week's an awareness week of some sort, it seems. I'm sure next week will be National Don't-Actually-Put-the-Cotton-Swab-IN-Your-Ear Awareness Week. 

My initial, split-second reaction was to feel defensive, and I really couldn't tell you why. Infertility is something that people should be aware of. I've been very open with my struggles, and by doing so have learned that there are a lot more people who are or have dealt with infertility, both people that I know personally and people that have reached out to me through my blog, than I would have ever guessed.

A lot of you reading this now already know my story, but chances are good that others you know are going through the same thing but choose to be quiet about it. Choosing to share, and how much to share about a couple's infertility is a very personal decision and we've obviously decided to tell the world about it. But no matter how much we decide to share, there are some things that us, the infertile, wish the rest of the world knew about our situation. Here's my personal list:



1. Yes, we've likely tried what you're about to suggest.
Charting, temping, cervix-checking, cervical mucous-inspecting, ovulation predictor kit-using, "not trying", having sex every day, having sex every other day, having sex twice a day... we've done it. And now that we're on that topic...

2. Yes, we're having sex.
It amazes me how many times I've been told to just have a lot of sex. It's probably my number one annoyance since becoming open about our infertility and almost always comes from those who have easily conceived. This is also the number one thing that makes me defensive as it has a "you're doing it wrong" connotation and those offering this "advice" don't seem to realize how insensitive it actually is.

3. No, actually, it might not happen.
The most common phrase that I hear is "It'll happen." While I appreciate that it comes from a good place and is a way of showing support, it just isn't helpful. "I'm rooting for you guys!" and similar phrases are much more welcomed and supportive.

4. Yes, we're sure and yes, we're ready.
It's common in those with children to reference a melt-down, a diaper blowout, or other not-so-blissful facet of motherhood and ask, jovially, "Are you sure you're ready for this?" While good-natured and meant jokingly, after our first year of trying it became difficult to force a chuckle at this common quip.

5. No, I'm not upset because you're pregnant.
I'm upset because I'm not pregnant. There are a lot of babies and pregnant women in my life right now. Yes, it's painful, but I'm happy for all of them; ecstatic, even. For those that I care about, I am relieved that none of them had to go through what Jamie and I are going through. I've had people express guilt that it was so easy for them, or tell me that they felt bad because they were really wanting it to happen for me first, or even that they hoped it wouldn't affect our friendship. There's no need to feel guilty; your fertility is of no relation to my infertility. There's no need to feel bad that you got pregnant more quickly than it's taking me, but I do appreciate the consideration for my feelings. And of course it's not going to affect our friendship; If your being pregnant would cause me to no longer be friends with you, then you probably shouldn't be friends with me anyway! I am happy, happy, happy for you all and while I'm sad that I can't join you, I'm looking forward to this new chapter in life where my friends and family are having babies.



If you feel that you're guilty of any of the above, don't sweat it. I'm not holding any grudges. Infertility is tricky for all involved, be it the couple or their support system. I know that it's tough to gauge what is helpful, supportive, and appropriate when discussing it; this especially proves difficult in a casual, more light-hearted conversation. Being surrounded with pregnancy is also tricky for us when it comes to referencing our own infertility; I know that we have to consider how that might make you fortunate fertiles feel as we're not purposely trying to instigate guilt or any of the like.

So, as National Infertility Awareness Week comes to a close I can feel confident that I've contributed to the cause. Next week, I'll be sure to pitch the WaxVac and the importance of not jamming things into your ear hole.

Officially Paper Pregnant

Six-ish months ago we announced having officially embarked on our adoption journey. We were a little slow in getting our profile book (what gets sent out to potential birth mothers) and our home study (what ensures that we are neither terrorists or Heisenbergesque in our lifestyle) completed. Our profile book has been going out for a few months now, which is good, but because we hadn't completed our home study yet, it was only going out to women earlier on in their pregnancy. This way, if we were to be chosen, we'd have some time still to finish up that home study... but it also meant that we weren't quite getting complete exposure.

Well, finally, we've been given the verbal approval by our social worker! Now our book can start going out to all of the interested pregnant women. This includes women who are due, like, right now.

Yes.

This means that we could become parents at ANY time. We could get a call that says "You've been picked. She's in labor. Can you be in Idaho tomorrow?"

My sister in law, Renata, bought us the print I featured in my Adoption Journey FAQs!
The charcoal drawing is one Jamie did in high school. They'll both probably go in the nursery.

Up until this point, we haven't done much in preparation for Maybe Baby aside from the above. Now that we could be called to action at any time, though, we need to be prepared. Now I'm spending my couch time reading blog posts outlining that mommy blogger's newborn essential's list to try and get a good idea of what we need as well as what we don't need.

One thing I do know I need is some help from my new momma friends. I'm going to focus on researching one item at a time. Right now: car seat. So, friends, which infant car seat did you use? What did you love and hate about it?

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I know you're not waking up every morning thinking I've got to see if Sam has updated her blog! It's okay, we can still be friends. If you're wanting to keep in touch, but don't often remember to check out this page, then head on over to that subscribe page up there. All you have to do is enter your name and your email then hit send. It will basically just send me a notification, and I will add you my own personal list of peeps to notify after I post a new entry. There's no spam involved. No junk mail. No selling of emails for my own personal profit, because, well, everyone's already got your email anyway, right? (Why am I getting emails from Woodworking Magazine? True story.) So if you're feelin' it, sign up and keep in touch! I'll be around.